5.06.2010

Rug Rampage

When artists create furniture it can be difficult to know whether their works are classifiable as crimes.  Sometimes they're making a statement, mixing ideas and materials and the ugly outcome is just part of the social commentary.  Frankly I've got no room for that in my life because social commentary is such a drag, man.

The way I see it, the instant it goes on sale or ends up reviewed in a furniture blog, it's responsible for any and all crimes against aesthetics and good taste.  Yes, your old pal the Mayor will punish artists and crafters and retailers alike.  Now shut up and let's talk rugs.

Say, remember the roadkill rug?  It's a pretty ugly gash.  Luckily an enterprising designer came up with a solution.


Oh heck yes, when I look at my floor I want to think about festering, weeping wounds and raw scar tissue.

Speaking of covering up unmentionables...

Tighty whitey floory whories?

But this is actually a really good idea.  How many of you are total sticklers for putting your clothes away, but secretly wish you could look like a slob?  Oh boy, do I have a solution for you!


This is a nice way to be both OCD and messy at the same time.  It's scattered clothing, but only within a rigidly defined parallelogram.  Win win!

Not chaotic enough?  Looking for an actual tripping hazard?


This is the rug equivalent of rubber vomit, with the added benefit of having a high-profile lip that practically ensures an amusing prat-fall on every midnight run to the bathroom.

Maybe you're more of a traditionalist. Perhaps you're looking for the naturalistic, morbid appeal of an animal skin rug.  But maybe, just maybe, you're a vegan and you have a small child living in your home whose life isn't filled with quite enough terror.


Sit your kid down for a nice after-dark viewing of "Pan's Labyrinth," then send him to bed with one of these waiting smack-dab in the middle of his room.  For optimal results, illuminate with a red nightlight.

Not terrifying enough?  Well, dear reader, I leave you with one of my all time favorite WTF photos.  Click for the large version and maximum enjoyment.

Magnifique.